The Unorthodox Demigod
by MaelstromBankai
Summary: Most people think that just because you're a goddamn legend, you're supposed to be a wise and shining role model for others to look up to. Just because I happen to have the biggest stick doesn't mean that I should conform to your damn standards. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to get laid.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING!**

**Prologue**

* * *

Bianca di Angelo tugged her cap down as she walked through the crowded halls of the school, hoping to blend in as she searched for her best friend and brother. Plenty of students were generally going crazy, doing all sorts of stupid things that they had apparently been holding back for a good chunk of the year.

Most of the boys were playing soccer with the balloons and strangling themselves with the crepe-paper streamers taped to the walls. Girls moved around in groups, like they tended to do usually, assaulting any unlucky boys who happened to be in their way and painting their faces with all sorts of make-up and creams. A few others were standing around awkwardly, most likely too used to the strict military lifestyle that Westover Hall was famous for to know what to do with themselves when said strictness was lessened.

But, no matter how hard she searched, she couldn't find the two people she was looking for. Even as she doubled back, hoping that she had maybe missed them again, the little voice in her head sneered at her thoughts.

After another unsuccessful trip round the gym, Bianca's shoulders drooped as she stopped right in the middle of the room. She really, _really_ didn't want to go see that girl, but she had no choice now, did she? It was either going to that person and finding out where her brother and friend were, or stumbling around like an idiot and worrying herself to death. No real contest.

Sucking in a breath, she marched through the crowd with urgent steps, maneuvering her way through the cluster of bodies expertly. A couple of people cried out as she bumped into them, but she was already out of their sight before they could recover. A handy trick that her best friend had taught her at the start of the year, one she had taken to using whenever she wanted to avoid talking to people.

There, leaning against the walls and surrounded by her usual gaggle of cronies, was perhaps the only person Bianca could truly dislike: Laura Baitey. The most popular girl in their year, also the hottest according to the recent poll results, Laura was everything Bianca didn't like or want to be; filthy rich, somewhat arrogant, and promiscuous. Her luxurious red hair drew boys towards her, and her pretty green eyes left them stumbling over their tongues when she approached them.

Being a senior, her body was much more curvaceous and alluring than anyone else Bianca had seen, even on par with some of their recent teachers. Several rumors about her sexual prowess spread through the grapevine, and

Really, if only Naruto didn't think with his other head so much…

Marching right up to her, desperately holding back the impulse to just take the other way and avoid this, she cleared her throat as loudly as she could. When Laura glanced at her, she immediately looked disgruntled. "Well, well, if it isn't little miss 'White Angel'."

Bianca swallowed her nervousness and pushed forward. "Where's Naruto?" If she could find Naruto, she'd find Nico as well. It was one of those odd things that kept them together, something she was increasingly grateful for.

Immediately, Laura inexplicably brightened up, a pleased smile flaring briefly on her face. Bianca could hazard a guess as to what she was imagining, but she was in too much of a hurry to feel queasy about it. "Oh, and what d'you need him for?"

One of her friends giggled loudly, which made Bianca feel even more uncomfortable with this. "Look, I just need to talk to him and you're the last person to see him," she said, trying to keep her hands to themselves. She was _not_ in a hurry to get picked on.

Laura hummed in thought, eyeing Bianca from head to toe. After a moment, she seemed to come to a decision and shrugged. "Last I saw him, he was heading towards the labs with that Grover guy and your brother."

Rather than question why she was being rather forthcoming with her answers, Bianca nodded and turned to leave. A hand clamped round her arm, halting her in place. "Not so fast, little girl." Laura thrust something into her arms, a little package that felt off. "Let Naruto have that, _and don't you dare try and hide it_." She hissed.

Nodding as fast as she could, Bianca stumbled as she was shoved rather heavily away from them. As she sped away from them, trying to calm her increased heartbeat, she didn't notice the strange punk girl who was keeping an eye on her.

Rounding a corner, she bumped hard into someone. Stumbling from the rather hard body, she glanced up to see the Vice Principal, Dr. Thorn, looking down at her with an odd look. As crazy as it sounded, he really did look like he was going to eat her for breakfast or something.

"D-Dr. Thorn!" She squeaked.

"Miss di Angelo," his accented voice was like slimy ooze, absolutely dripping with anticipation, "just the demigod I was looking for."

* * *

"Come on, Naruto! One more round, please!"

He laughed at the whine, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "No way, brat. I've had enough of Mythomagic for today, so let's just go find your sister. I bet she's really worried about you." Rising from the crouch he was in, he brushed the dust off his black pants and helped the little boy he was with to his feet.

"Okay, I guess we should go see Bianca." The boy was undoubtedly Bianca's brother; they had the same olive tone that spoke of their foreign roots. They also shared the same eyes, dark and glinting with a light that could be described as madness or genius. He carried a deck of cards in his hands, which he began shuffling as they walked towards the gym.

Naruto's lips twitched when he thought of Nico's big sister. She was a really cute kid, always so shy and awkward around people. Even though she was a freshman and him a senior, he had managed to strike a conversation with her during one of their breaks. She had been very quiet, and prone to giving one-word answers but he found his interest piqued.

The rest, as they say, was history.

Entering the gym, his eyes narrowed as he caught sight of two strangers dancing near the center of the room. He was certain that they had never attended Westover at all, and the dance was strictly for students only. The only way they could've snuck in was if they were impersonating students…

…or they were demigods.

"Have you seen Bianca yet, Naruto?"

That would make sense. Everyone they saw, everyone they bumped into, all acted like they had been going to the same classes together. Sure, there were a number of people who were unfamiliar with them, but there was a general 'understanding' that those strangers were Westover students.

"Naruto?"

Wait a minute. Where was Thorn?

* * *

Naruto gave the boy with the celestial steel weapon a very deadpan look. Not only had the idiot gotten himself and the di Angelo siblings captured, especially with Grover's insistent proclamations that he wouldn't mess up, but he had been poisoned in the shoulder by one of the manticore's thorns.

"Naruto! What are you doing?! Run!"

He found it rather cute that she was this worked up over him. Hmm…

"You insolent little…" Thorn growled, his claws digging into the earth as he assumed his true form. Naruto watched impassively as the manticore turned to face him, his leathery tail cocked and ready to fire at him.

"Your mother clearly lied to you. I'll have you know that my sword is most definitely NOT 'little'." He sniffed.

The volley of thorns that flew at him were easily swatted away. As he arched a brow, Thorn froze in surprise.

And so, as Ōtsutsuki Naruto stalked towards the newest monster of the week, he lamented the fact that he'd have to leave Westover Hall.

Bitchy as she was, Laura _definitely _knew how to please a man.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, this is ridiculous. I'm currently locked in this absolutely infuriating case of writer's block, so I decided to try making a new story. You know, try and get the creative juices flowing. You have no idea how fucking hard this chapter fought me…and it's only the PROLOGUE! (Thankfully, I've managed to iron out most of the plot and the challenge comes from actually writing the damn thing)**

**You can probably guess Naruto's Olympian parent from the prologue, but I doubt any of you (except for Kyoka Suigetsu-senpai) can guess how the hell he came into being. **

**Life seems to be kicking me in the balls lately, so I don't think I'll be able to fully complete any chapter until January. If I happen to do so, be happy. If I don't…well, I warned ya didn't I?**

**Read and review,**

**MaelstromBankai.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING!**

**Chapter 1**

* * *

When Naruto left his buddy Nico in the hands of the strange demigod Grover had repeatedly and loudly vouched for, he had made a few assumptions that he now looked back and wanted to piss on.

First of all, he had believed Grover. Now that wasn't to say that Grover was a liar or anything, but he had come to realize over the course of the academic year that the guy had a certain skewered perception of things. He was also the kind of guy who saw the best in everyone, the sort of person who would give praise when it was due yet voice no complaints against the vices that a person held. It reminded Naruto of the day he had stumbled upon Grover, who had a rather bright slap mark on his face. Despite how much Grover had claimed that he was to blame, it was quite obvious to Naruto that Cassie was the one in the wrong.

He should've listened a bit harder to the voice in his head that had muttered its skeptic remarks. Seriously, when Grover had stressed how much he could rely on this Percy Jackson guy, he _should_ have demanded some sort of proof. Preferably from a third party.

Secondly, after decided to give the two the benefit of the doubt, he had gone ahead to try and find Bianca. He had assumed that the others would've stayed in the gym, where one could easily blend in with the crowd with constant movement. Hell, all the Percy kid had to do was manipulate the Mist and have a group surrounding him and Nico to give themselves some decent camouflage.

It made sense. The gym was where the event was, it was the only place the demigods would know given the circumstances and at least one of them would check in if they got separated. Of course, he didn't take into account the possibility that Nico might've pushed his guardian to help search for his sister. Or that Percy might not know how to manipulate the Mist.

And finally, he had assumed, rather badly in his opinion that Dr. Thorn was working without any inside help.

He frowned as he found his way barred by a young man, who was eyeing him warily. The man was about a head taller than his own impressive six foot figure, with dirty blond hair than resembled a buzzard's nest. He wielded a pretty standard sword, about three feet long, and what looked to be a gun in his other hand. He looked pretty much like everyone else; a healthy complexion, no really outstanding features and generic clothing meant to make him blend in with any crowd.

"So, you're the demigod huh?" He licked his lips, tightening his grip on the sword. Naruto could see how tensed the associate was, ready to move at the slightest indication. Despite how laidback he appeared, Naruto knew he'd strike him down the very instant an opportunity made itself known to him.

"Maybe, maybe not. Depends on why someone as boring as you is searching for one here." Naruto kept his voice light as he began to circle around. The man had caught him in one of the classrooms near the gym, one of Bianca's usual hang-out spots, and the only thing separating them were a couple of chairs and a table.

It wasn't much space to work with, but he wasn't bothered. It didn't matter whether the room was big or small, just like it didn't matter whether his adversary was a child of the Big Three or some minor god. He would die, certainly.

The only question was when he'd kill the brat.

The stranger clicked his tongue, brown eyes narrowing. "I doubt he'd mind if this one was a little ruffled up," he muttered.

Unluckily for him, Naruto had very good ears.

Before he could fire a bullet, Naruto had already vaulted over the furniture and closing in fast. Throwing a punch, Naruto wasn't surprised to see the assailant block it. All demigods had above average reaction times and battle senses, one of the admittedly awesome perks they gained from their divine parent. Besides, the blow hadn't been intended to damage the boy.

The bones that punched out, tearing through both his and the brat's flesh? Piercing through the boy's hand and chest in a gory explosion of blood and guts, branching off into several hooks that kept him in place for more abuse? All that within a single moment? _That_ was clearly intended to do some damage.

The boy opened his mouth to scream, eyes wide and filled with pain, when Naruto swiftly stabbed another sharpened bone into his throat with his other hand. Locking his jaw in place, uncaring of the crimson liquid that was steadily pouring out of the boy, Naruto allowed a cold smile to cross his face.

"Normally you'd be kept alive for some information, most likely through torture and extensive interrogation," he said, his voice silky and low. The young demigod, a son of Hermes who had joined his brother on Kronos' side, gurgled softly, blood dripping from his lips. "But I have no such need for such methods."

An extra arm tore through his clothes, pushing out from beneath his shoulders, and placed itself on the demigod's head. Strange, demonic looking eyes pierced his darkening vision, no longer the stunning blue they had once been.

"Ningendo (Human Path)"

* * *

Darting towards the rendezvous point, Naruto frowned heavily as he moved. From what he had gleaned of the traitor's mind, Thorn was supposed to capture and take the di Angelo siblings towards the clearing at the outskirts of Westover Hall's territory. From there, a chopper would arrive and pick them up, after which they would be delivered to the Titan Lord's army.

Ducking to avoid a branch, Naruto hummed to himself as he soared through the air. Even if the trees weren't as sturdy enough as those in his home, they were still more than capable of supporting his weight as he landed and leaped off.

From what he could see, Thorn was leading three people towards the pick-up joint. Narrowing his eyes even as the theme for EMIYA started playing in his mind, he landed a bit behind the quartet in the greenery.

Eyeing Thorn's form warily, he wondered if he could get in a shot with his bone projectiles. Thorn had his tail out, which gave him a long-ranged projectile to work with, but those could be easily negated by judicious use of Amenotejikara (Heavenly Hand Power) and Yomotsu Hirasaka (Underworld Comparing Skill Hand).

When he saw Percy Jackson clutching his shoulder, where a thorn-like thing was buried inside, Naruto wondered whether Grover had been thinking of some other Percy Jackson instead of the one before him. Seriously, how hard was it to keep an eye out for everything that moved?

Some might call it being paranoid, but Naruto preferred to think of it as always keeping your guard up. It was how he had managed to coast through his time here without being blindsided by sudden monster attacks. Keeping his senses sharp allowed him to ferret out any monsters, which eliminated the surprise advantage they had, and allowed him to plan ahead.

Maybe he should talk to Chiron about it. For all he knew, Jackson could just be an exception to the rule…or the standard. He wasn't quite sure which one was the worse option.

Glancing at Bianca and Nico, he could easily see how terrified they were. Nico was really trying to hold it together, but he could see the glimmer of tears in his eyes and he kept wringing his hands together. Bianca seemed to have lost a great deal of composure, openly showing how afraid she was, but she kept placing herself between Thorn and her brother. Tears were threatening to spill, but she didn't stop shielding Nico.

His frown deepened. He'd definitely brain Jackson for this. Making an adorable girl like Bianca and his little friend cry like that?

His thoughts were broken by the words of Thorn, who had taken a cell phone from his pocket and was talking to another monster on the other side. Naruto couldn't tell what it was; it sounded too guttural to be a Tehlkine, but too mangled and distorted for him to actually understand.

Deciding he might as well take the chance, he struck.

He shot two bones first, aiming for Thorn's head and chest. The two sharpened bones jutted forward, with the heavier one headed right for the monster's chest.

The scorpion-like tail just barely managed to swat away the larger bone, snapping in a movement that was very quick to most eyes. Thorn ducked as well, avoiding the spear that would've tore through his skull.

Whirling about, the monster shot several spikes towards his position, only he was no longer there. Perched in the branches of a sturdy tree about a foot in front of them, Naruto watched as the projectiles embedded themselves into the tree at the back.

"Who was that?! Answer me!" Thorn hissed, his tail coiling about like a snake. When Percy started to move, Thorn fired another missile at him that made him reconsider. "You make one more move out of line, and I promise you that your shoulder will be the _least_ of your worries." He spat.

Silently conjuring a decent-sized pebble, Naruto chucked it towards some bushes further ahead.

Thorn was instantly in motion, his nasty projectiles flying in the direction he had tossed the rock. As the monster growled in delicious, stewing anger, Naruto took the moment to think.

Well, he definitely had confirmation that Thorn's ears were pretty good. Maybe not as good as some of the other monsters he had faced, but they still allowed him to react to his projectiles. While he could certainly work around this little bump, playing a fun game he liked to call 'Spot the Real Bullet', Nico and Bianca's safety had to be guaranteed.

So, after thinking for a bit, he dropped down.

Landing on his feet, he instantly rolled to the side and dodged the thorns that were flung in his direction. Quickly hopping to his feet, he gave the outraged monster a happy little wave. "Oh, hello Vice-Principal. Funny seeing you here, I was under the impression that Mrs. Gottschalk liked it when you went in with no lube."

Bianca and Percy kind of gawked at him, both rather stunned and disgusted by the image. Bianca wondered how her friend could easily make such a wrong statement like that in this situation. Having met said Principal when he arrived, Percy found his stomach protesting at his train of thought. Nico, who had his jaw dropped, just looked really awe-struck.

"I should've known _you'd_ be the one following us," Thorn growled.

"Ah, c'mon man. You make it sound like I've been cockblocking you the entire year!" Naruto gave him a cheeky wink, somehow making a pink heart manifest beside him. "Don't worry, I'm sure you can maybe catch some rest in Tartarus. Last I heard, your half-goat butt buddy was getting rimmed by some Hellhound."

Thorn sneered, "I'll be sure to send you there when I'm done with you." His hands changed into orange paws, with enormous claws that looked deadly.

Before Thorn could make a move, Naruto's elbow was already caving his face inwards. There was the unmistakable sound of bone crunching as his elbow sank into Thorn's face, muffling the scream that Thorn made.

"Honestly, preparing to jack off in front of children?" Naruto sighed in disappointment, grabbing Thorn's face. "How sad."

Ramming his face right into a tree, Naruto arched a brow when Thorn slashed at him. He was certainly different from the other monsters; at least they tried something different. Stepping back lazily, Naruto casually smashed his foot right in Thorn's face again. This time, he added a little bit more force to the blow, theorizing that Thorn could take it.

The sharp crack he heard made him blink.

Oops?

* * *

"Thalia, hurry! Percy and the siblings are just up ahead!"

Thalia wondered what exactly was making Grover so fearful. Sure, the situation was dire, but the way he was reacting to all this seemed more appropriate for the apocalypse or Kronos' return. Then again, Percy was the one in trouble, so maybe his hysteria was somewhat justified.

As she picked up the pace, she wondered how badly things had snowballed. Not only had they managed to lose sight of the demigod they had come to retrieve, which was rather embarrassing, but one of their friends had been captured as well.

It didn't help that Percy was a possible candidate for the Great Prophecy, meaning he was valuable both to the gods and to the Titan Lord. If Kronos managed to get his hands on Percy, then Percy would die.

Beside her, Annabeth also looked worried. Giving her a reassuring nod, they all headed after Grover.

* * *

"Naruto! What are you doing?! Run!" Bianca screamed at him, her eyes wide and clearly showing the worry she was feeling right now.

He found it rather cute that she was this worked up over him. Hmm…

"You insolent little…" Thorn growled, his claws digging into the earth as he assumed his true form. He grew larger until he was in his true form—his face still human, but his body that of a huge lion. His leathery, spiky tail whipped deadly thorns in all directions. Naruto watched impassively as the manticore turned to face him, his leathery tail cocked and ready to fire at him.

"Your mother clearly lied to you. I'll have you know that my sword is most definitely NOT 'little'." He sniffed.

The volley of thorns that flew at him were easily swatted away, which surprised him. He had tried doing so without relying on the defensive properties of his Dead Bone Pulse, but the volley had hardly hurt him. As he arched a brow, Thorn froze in surprise. No doubt he didn't expect anyone to do something as crazy as try to bat away very fast and sharp projectiles, let alone a demigod.

And so, as Ōtsutsuki Naruto stalked towards the newest monster of the week, he lamented the fact that he'd have to leave Westover Hall.

Bitchy as she was, Laura _definitely _knew how to please a man.

Thorn managed to recover a moment later and charged forward, roaring angrily at him. Naruto simply slammed his hand on the earth, causing a large tree root to burst out and slam into the manticore. Throwing Thorn off to the side, the root suddenly shifted into a realistic-looking fist and landed another punishing blow for good measure.

Clawing the plant to pieces, Thorn surged to his feet. "You…you're a son of Demeter?" He growled, somewhat incredulous at the news. Demeter's children were unsuited for battle, more often than not just support in battle. They were farmers, their use was geared towards providing food.

Naruto cocked his head. "Dude, please." Clapping his hands together, the sliced roots suddenly embedded themselves inside the manticore. As Thorn bellowed in pain, Naruto smiled, "My mother is more awesome than her."

With a stomp, Naruto launched himself forward and sent Thorn skidding back with a spinning kick. By now they had reached a cliff overlooking the sea.

The sound of a helicopter approaching made him glance in the distance. The helicopter appeared out of the mist, hovering just beyond the cliffs. It was a sleek black military-style gunship, with attachments on the sides that looked like laser-guided rockets.

He frowned. No doubt the reinforcements and those delegated to picking up the di Angelos.

His third arm came out again, pointing right at the approaching vehicle. His arm disconnected the wrist, opening to reveal a large cannon. He didn't particularly care about keeping his abilities secret, since they would more than likely be revealed at Camp Half-Blood, so he might as well show a bit of his abilities.

When Thorn saw the irritating demigod paying more attention to the approaching chopper, he decided to make good use of the opportunity and grab the demigods. The one he had been fighting was proving to be something else entirely, and he _needed_ to ensure that the operation was a success. If he failed…

Shooting another volley at the demigod, he growled when a shield sprang from nowhere to block them. Still, he was distracted, and that was all he needed. Springing towards the children, grinning as they stumbled backwards, he felt a brief hope in his blackened heart that things would work out for him.

That instant, a highly condensed ball of light shot towards the helicopter.

* * *

In the distance, about a dozen girls watched as the skies were torn apart by an explosion of brilliant light. Even though they were a fair distance from the source, which happened to be in the woods of Westover Hall, they could feel the whipping winds

One of the girls glanced at another member. She was tall and graceful with coppery colored skin. Unlike the other girls, she had a silver circlet braided into the top of her long dark hair, so she looked like some kind of Persian princess. "Zoe, come with me."

Zoe nodded resolutely, gripping her bow tightly. "Yes, my lady"

And so, as the two headed towards the commotion, Artemis wondered if that strange person was the cause of that explosion.

* * *

Naruto stared at the bloodied form of Thorn with slight interest. The monster wasn't dead yet, so maybe he could store him in one of his pocket dimensions and interrogate him later. After shooting the chopper out of the sky, he had gotten bored of playing with the manticore and had whipped out his chakra rods.

Then the fight was over.

Sighing, he casually sent Thorn to the Pillar Dimension. Thorn might survive there.

Turning to face the other strangers, who had arrived sometime during his casual decimation of Dr. Thorn, he smirked at their gobsmacked looks and winked at the punk girl next to Grover. His smirk widened when she immediately glared at him. Good.

He always did like a challenge.

"So this is what you've been up to."

He glanced at the two girls approaching, already knowing who they were. However, when he saw the little girl with eyes colder and brighter than the winter moon, he froze.

He blinked. Twice.

The elder girl glared at him, moving forward as if to strike him.

"AAARRRTTYYYYY!"

Before anyone could react he had already scooped the little girl into his arms, and was hugging her with all his might. "It's been a while! I've missed you!"

* * *

**A/N: Whew, I'm tired.**

**Happy Boxing Day, and a Happy New Year everyone. Hope you all enjoy the last few days of 2014. **

**Preview!**

* * *

He smirked as Clarisse shakily rose to her feet, the smug sneer no longer evident. "What, is that all you've got? I was hoping to dance a little more, you know."

"Shut up," she snarled, clenching and unclenching her fists. Scooping her spear from the ground, the sneer came back with a vengeance. "Come on, let's do this."

He shrugged. "Well, if you wanna fight with weapons then I guess I should warn you." Reaching for the swords that were attached to his back, he gripped the handle of the first two lightly. "By the time this is over, the only excitement you'll feel is when you're with me."

The swords were flung into the air, glinting as they reflected the sunlight. Clarisse watched with mounting confusion as the bastard caught them all in several strange places: his left armpit, both elbows, right leg, stomach, the right side of his neck, and in his mouth. The stance was so utterly odd that she could only gape at it.

The sinister glint was her only warning. With speed that eclipsed what she had seen, he was already in motion.

* * *

**Read and review!**

**MaelstromBankai**


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